Joel Young Blog.com

I have been processing a lot of things inside my own head lately. I feel like I am finally getting what it means to let God do the leading, both in my life and in my work, and it has caused me to spend more time listening than I ever have before. During this season of listening I have come to some humbling realizations about myself, but none have been more real than what God gave me through Jenna, my wife, last week.

Sunday was one of the best worship experiences EVER at Horizon and we were trying to process it all as we came down from cloud nine that afternoon. If you know me, you know that I process out loud and therefore say everything that I’m thinking. On this particular Sunday I was elated with the response to the sermon God has laid on my heart. It was really one of those weeks where I had to pray ALL WEEK that God would say something through me because I felt so inadequate and unable to articulate His message, and boy did He. The Word rocked everyone there and caused many people to honor my delivery of that Word like never before.

Selfishly, here’s what I was thinking, and what I said to my wife. “When did these people begin to respect me, and the Word that God has put inside me, so much? It’s not like they didn’t before, but today I really felt the weight of their respect for me as God’s instrument to lead His church like never before. Why/how did that happen so suddenly?” As carefully as she could my wife articulated to me what was crystal clear to her. She answered, “Because now you believe you can lead this church.”

WHAT?!?! At first I was taken back, and a little angry. How dare she question my confidence in following God’s leading. I seriously thought to myself, “She just doesn’t get it. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” I mean, confidence has never been something that I have lacked before.

Then, after a few minutes of silence I came to this humbling realization: SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! I had been leading this church and trying to follow God’s prompting for over a year, but up until a month ago I really didn’t have confidence that God could do the job through ME. I don’t know what I was thinking, but the way I lead was telling people that I had doubts about God’s ability to use ME.

It’s a humbling thing when you realize that the only thing standing in the way of God radically blessing His calling on your life is YOU.