Joel Young Blog.com

I have been a father for three years now. In those three short years I have been blessed with two of the most incredible, intelligent, and beautiful boys a father could ever have. I know that the time I’ve spent mentoring and fathering them has impacted, and will continue to impact, their lives. However, it has also had a profound impact on my life and perspective. Here are ten lessons I have learned in the last three years of parenting (in no particular order).

• One-on-one time with children, and especially father to son, is more valuable and important than many realize.
• Learn to say, “I’m sorry,” and acknowledge your mistakes to your kids. If you can’t they won’t either.
• Before you ask a child what they think be sure you are prepared for the brutal, genuine, and honest truth.
• Children model what they see. Guard what you say and do as well as what you allow others to say and do around them.
• Parents, it’s your job to protect your children, from many different things, and it’s not inappropriate when you stand up for that.
• Cleaning a mess out of a pair of underwear every now and then is a welcome exchange for never having to buy diapers again!
• Teach your kids how to love and appreciate good movies and music. You’ll be watching and listening to what they like for years.
• Hug and kiss your kids every chance you get. There may come a day when they will be too cool for that. Especially boys.
• A little encouragement goes a long way, but a lot of encouragement goes even further.
• Boys learn how to treat women by watching their father and mother interact. Dads, make sure they are learning to love and respect women by watching you.
• BONUS: Tell your kids you love them until they think you’re lame. They really do need, and want, that continual affirmation of your love.

This weekend is a big weekend for me. On Saturday my oldest boy will turn three years old [insert big sigh of realization here]. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, on Sunday Horizon will celebrate her second birthday. Through the celebration of these two events I am reminded of the many lessons that I have learned. Though many of them were learned the hard way, none of them killed me and God is still using them to shape who I am today. So, over the next few days I will be sharing the top ten lessons I have learned from both fatherhood and church planting. Though they are incredibly different, they are also incredibly similar. I hope you’ll come back to learn from my mistakes.

My family has decided that we’re going to take a beach vacation this year. Even though I’m really looking forward to it the trip going to the beach isn’t that big of a deal for me. I’ve been there many times before in my life. But, to my two year old son, Reed, going to the beach is a HUGE deal. He’s never been to the beach, and I sometimes think he spends all day thinking about what it will be like when we finally arrive.

Yesterday, my wife and the boys spent all day shopping for some of the things a vacation like this will require. Things like swimming trunks, sandals, water shoes, etc. When they got home Reed proudly displayed his beach swag in the living room, and his prize purchase was a small pair of blue sandals. He wore them around the house until he went to bed, and put them on first thing this morning as well.

As he was watching his usual morning cartoon lineup I noticed that he was kicked back on the couch with his feet propped up on a pillow (bearing his blue sandals of course), hands behind his head, and his eyes closed. I thought this was a strange method for watching cartoons so I inquired of my son, “Reed, what are you doing?” And he very calmly replied (without opening his eyes), “I’m at the beach.”

I looked at my wife, who was sitting next to me, and we had a good laugh, but then I became jealous. He was living the beach lifestyle, and he didn’t even need to be at the beach to do it. For all I know he could have been feeling the breeze on his face, and listening to the waves crash on the shores until I disturbed him with my silly question.

The ability to enjoy life no matter where we’re at is something that often escapes us as we become older, “wiser”, and more mature. So, my goal for today is to get to that beach…before we take our vacation. I hope you’ll do the same.

My brief glance in the wisdom of a two year old is going to lead me to several places this week. But the beginning of this windy road has to be approaching and answering the question of, “How much do I really need?” Broad, yes I know, but applicable to all areas of life. If you haven’t read part 1 of this series of posts, you may want to back up and read it first so you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Realizing first that we all approach the question of, “How much is enough,” every day of our lives will no doubt help us in our efforts to live beyond the things that we posses. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about balancing a budget or deciding for or against that third plate at the buffet we have to figure up how much we really need hundreds of times every week. But for most of us, it’s not a , “Let me stop and really think about this,” decision because our mind has been made up long before we are approach the dilemma.

If you’re saving for a vacation, you won’t indulge in impulsive splurge purchases. If you’re on a diet, you will (or will try to) stay away from fatty foods with little nutritional value. Why? Because your mind has already been made up and you’re headed in a clearly defined direction.

When it comes to our most valuable resources and determining how much is enough for us, and how much is available to bless others with, it starts with a decision. For some of us the answer to that question will be hard to see because our definition of necessity will shift as we mature, but for others it will seem very clear and easy to discern. The question then is, are we willing to act on it?

Will we search for ways to utilize the over-abundance of resources we have at our disposal, or will we live in that over-abundance. I’m not trying to curse anyone because of what they have, but rather hoping that we’ll all see the abundance in our lives and search for ways to leverage that for God’s purposes. Living a life of generosity and Christ-like sacrifice doesn’t just happen by accident. It is the result of a conscious decision to accept God’s provision and live in confidence of that.

There has been a lot of adjustment in the Young household since the birth of Cooper, but no one has felt that more than our oldest son Reed. He’s been the only kid in the house for over two years now, and even though he obviously adores his new little brother Jenna, my wife, and I have been very intentional about soaking up our individual time with him. So, the other night Reed and I took a trip to Chuck-E-Cheese’s. Just the two of us. We spent hours playing every game in the joint, and he had an absolute blast. The only disappointment was that they no longer had a ball pit. I was really looking forward to that.

We weren’t really counting the tickets we won as we played. We just enjoyed playing the games, but at the end I figured it would be cool to get a little something with our tickets. Reed handed the clerk his tickets and asked for, “Two suckers please.” Taken back by his politeness and confident swagger the clerk handed him three suckers as a bonus and we went on our way.

When we got in the car I asked Reed what he thought of the suckers he had won with the tickets and his response was, “There’s three! One for Mommy, Daddy, and Reed.” He didn’t leave out his new brother, but quickly reminded me that, “Not one for Cooper. Babies don’t need suckers.” Guess he was right about that.

As we drove home I started thinking about how drastically different my two year old is from the the two year old I was. If someone would have given me three suckers, they would have ALL been mine. But my son’s first reaction was to spread the wealth. He knew that he only needed one sucker and was excited that he could give the other two away.

This week I want to unpack this idea as it applies to our lives, our attitudes, and the church. Whether we realize it or not, we all live lives of abundance. What makes some of us different is how we view and what we do with the other two suckers.

Most of you who read my blog on a regular basis have probably noticed a distinct lull as of late, and for good reason. My family has had a lot of life changing things happen and at the top of the list is the birth of this little guy. Cooper, our second son, was born this week. He is as happy and healthy as he could possibly be and his addition to our family is nothing short of “lifechanglingly-awesome”. Thanks to all of you who prayed for his arrival and helped us out both before and after. Our family is truly appreciative.

Starting this week I’ll be back in a regular blogging schedule. I feel that I yet again have a renewed spirit and fresh perspective on life that can only come through such a life altering occurrence. My children have truly been “Game Changers” in my life and I hope you’ll come along for the ride as I explore the other side of the rabbit hole that fathering two boys will be.

Well, the life-altering news just keeps on rolling into the Young household. As this picture suggests Jenna is 6 weeks pregnant and Young Baby #2 is on his/her way. The feeling that becoming a father of two brings is much different that the feeling of becoming a father for the first time. I guess because this time around we’re supposed to know what we’re doing, or at least a little bit. Either way, we are ready and excited to welcome this little guy/girl into the world and our family and give him/her all the love he/she could ever need.

Those of you who know my wife and I well should probably start praying now that we can find a name for this little one. It took us all nine months to find and decide with Kid #1.

Here are some nuggets from a day with my son.

• “Wow, what’s that?” total = 87. I’m not kidding. He said that 87 times yesterday.
• We went to Best Buy to return something and buy mommy a CD and as we walked the isles the video game demos caught our eye. So, I hesitantly allowed Reed to play a game of Rock Band. He rocked the drums, of course, and I played guitar. The results were phenomenal. Not only did he make it through the entire song without being retired (on easy), but when the song was over there was no meltdown. I just said, “Alright, it’s over.” Reed proceeded to sit down the drum sticks and wave goodbye to the drum set saying, “Ba ta da.” (that’s how he says goodbye). It was a proud moment for me on both parts.
• My son flirts with every waitress at every restaurant we go to. I wonder if he’ll grow out of that?
• It might seem backward, but the times I see myself in Reed the most are the times when he is quietly dozing off to sleep in the back of the car. Good stuff.
• No nap for Reed = one cranky daddy.

All in all it was another great day, but as always we both love it when mommy comes home.

Since our move back to Cincy my wife has re-entered the work force on a part-time basis. This has really helped me to realize in many ways how unequipped I am to do what she does on a daily basis with our son. To say that she is amazing is an understatement. However, it has also allowed me to get to know my boy a lot better which I am grateful for. It seems like I have stories to tell Jenna every time I spend the day with Reed. So, in honor of these things I thought I would share what a Tuesday with Reed is like. I must warn you: if you have to go to the bathroom…go now, some of these are really funny.

We made a Wal-mart run this week. Reed, who recently figured out how to make the “tickle, tickle…” sound, thought it would be funny to try and tickle random people as we walked down the isles. Good thing everyone loves a cute red-headed toddler.

When Reed knows someone is watching him eat his food he will loudly exclaim, “Mmmmmmm,” after EVERY bite.

Reed throws everything he touches, and he’s got a good arm. We’re hoping for a sports scholarship. So, during a mid-afternoon diaper change I should have been alarmed when he picked up the baby powder, but I wasn’t. Seconds later it was flying across the room. When the bottle hit the floor it was like a baby powder grenade had gone off. It was everywhere, and it took me a half an hour to clean it all up. He thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Reed can be eating a bowl of goldfish crackers and will smell or taste a seemingly perfectly good cracker only to reject it. For what reason I am unsure, but it must be warranted. Even if that cracker is mixed back into the bowl or left to sit there for hours when he gets back around to it he will reject it again. I think he has a sixth sense or something.

Sometimes being a father teaches you more about yourself than it does about your kids. As my son grows older it has become increasingly obvious that he is a carbon copy of me. His attitude, his demeanor, his temper, his mannerisms, and even his sense of humor typical Young guy through and through. At breakfast once this week we were enjoying his favorite food, a banana, when he spotted the blue sticker on the peel. He reached for it and I helped him peel it off and he proceeded, completely on his own, to place it on his face. As I went to tell him that’s not where it went I read the caption. “Place on forehead and smile.” Guess he knew what he was doing.

We have also found out that Reed is as much of an aspiring rock star as dear old dad still is. Whenever there’s a guitar around he has to have it, and he is really diggin’ on Rock Band lately. Guess he’ll be getting a mini Les Paul as soon as he can control those digits. What a great kid I have.

If you have kids, have you taken the time to notice their interests lately? What can you do to feed those interests and passions? Don’t have kids…how ’bout the interests of your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, or friends?